Swept up by a call to romanticize a cozy, snow-filled Saturday in Brooklyn, I failed today's assignment. I was meant to consume the entirety of William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White's Elements of Style and skim Joseph M. Williams and Gregory G. Colomb's Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace, but found myself in want of conversation, daydreams and daily rituals; I indulged. A borrowed room came to be my sacred home, as my window frame came to be a portrait of the illuminating moon.
I decided to experiment:
Me: Does the above paragraph follow the rules I mentioned from the book? Point out where I failed and succeeded.
Claude: Great exercise - testing your own writing against the book you're reading. Let me break it down:
Successes:
- "I failed today's assignment" — Direct. Active voice. Clear subject-verb.
- "I indulged." — Punchy. Strunk would approve. Omits needless words.
- Concrete imagery: "snow-filled Saturday in Brooklyn," "borrowed room," "sacred home," "portrait of the illuminating moon" — Specific, not vague.
Where Strunk & White Might Push Back:
- "came to be" appears twice — very wordy. Strunk would say: use "became." The repetition amplifies the issue.
- "found myself in want of" — Elegant but wordy. "I wanted conversation" is half the words.
- "Swept up by a call to romanticize" — Passive-ish construction. Who's calling? Could be tightened: "Called to romanticize..." or "Romanticizing a cozy, snow-filled Saturday..."
- "the entirety of" — Could just be "all of" or omitted entirely.
Claude: This tension itself could be the blog post — you failing to follow the rules in a post about failing to finish the book about rules.
Edit A
Called to romanticize a cozy and snow-filled Saturday in Brooklyn, I failed today's assignment. I was meant to consume William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White's Elements of Style and skim Joseph M. Williams and Gregory G. Colomb's Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace, but I wanted conversation, daydreams and daily rituals; I indulged. A borrowed room became my sacred home, as my window frame became a portrait of the illuminating moon.
Changes Made:
- "Swept up by a call" → "Called" — tighter, more active
- "the entirety of" → cut — omitted needless words
- "found myself in want of" → "I wanted" — direct
- "came to be" → "became" (x2) — simpler
But Wait — Claude Never Received My Notes
Claude must have assumed rules about the book from other sources, not my own notes, because a message send error prevented them from coming through. Here are Claude's critiques of my paragraph based on the notes I sent:
Section 1:
- Enclose parenthetic expressions between commas — ✓ "cozy, snow-filled Saturday" correctly uses commas
- Place comma before conjunction introducing independent clause — ✓ "...Grace, but found myself..." — comma before "but" is correct
- Do not join independent clauses with a comma — ✓ I use a semicolon correctly: "rituals; I indulged"
- Do not break sentences in two — ✓ No sentence fragments
Section 2:
- Use the active voice — ✗ "Swept up by a call" is passive. Who calls?
- Use the positive form — ✓ No weak "not" constructions
- Use definite, specific, concrete language — ✓ "snow-filled Saturday in Brooklyn," "borrowed room," "sacred home," "portrait of the illuminating moon" — vivid
- Keep related words together — ✓ Generally well-structured
- Place what is most prominent at the end — ✓ "portrait of the illuminating moon" ends with strong imagery
Section 4:
- Avoid listed words — ✓ None of the forbidden words appear
Summary:
- Successes: Strong punctuation, concrete imagery, positive form, prominent ending
- Failure: Passive voice in opening ("Swept up by a call")
Edit B
Called to romanticize a cozy, snow-filled Saturday in Brooklyn, I failed today's assignment. I was meant to consume the entirety of William Strunk Jr. and E.B. White's Elements of Style and skim Joseph M. Williams and Gregory G. Colomb's Style: Lessons in Clarity and Grace, but found myself in want of conversation, daydreams and daily rituals; I indulged. A borrowed room came to be my sacred home, as my window frame came to be a portrait of the illuminating moon.
My Notes
Section 1: Elementary Rules of Usage
- Rules 3, 4, 5 and 6 cover the most important principles that govern punctuation: enclose parenthetic expressions between commas, place a comma before a conjunction introducing an independent clause, do not join independent clauses with a comma, do not break sentences in two.
- Why are 3, 4, 5 + 6 the most important principles?
- What is the grammatical subject vs. the subject?
- In order to understand whether a sentence is right or wrong, it is crucial to break sentences down into their parts. I have a weak habit of practicing this.
- What does Elementary Rules of Usage mean?
Section 2: Elementary Principles of Composition
- Effective writing calls for a scheme of procedure; the first principle of composition is to determine the shape of what is to come and pursue that shape.
- The paragraph is a convenient unit and a good visual help.
- Use the active voice.
- Use the positive form. "Not" is weak. The reader wishes to be told what is.
- Be assertive; save the auxiliaries.
- Use definite, specific, concrete language: "He grinned as he pocketed the coin."
- Use specific language; call up pictures with your words.
- Omit "the fact that," "who is," and "which was" from your writing vocabulary.
- Keep related words together. "There was a stir in the audience that suggested disapproval" vs. "A stir that suggested disapproval swept the audience." "She only found two mistakes" vs. "She found only two mistakes."
- After the initial notification, waste no words in repeating the notification of an author/speaker.
- Place what is to be made most prominent, word, sentence or paragraph, at the end.
Section 3: A Few Matters of Form
- Quotations are more complex than I've practiced in my writing.
Section 4: Words and Expressions Commonly Misused
- There are many words and phrases to eliminate from my use: and/or, anticipate, case, character, currently, each and every one, facility, factor, feature, "he is a man who," importantly, in terms of, meaningful, "one of the most," personally, respective, respectively, secondly, thirdly etc., "the truth is," utilize, while.
- "Get" is complex. Be careful of "would."